As a Youth Pastor I have spent the last few weeks inundated with people quoting the outrageous lyrics to Rebecca Black’s now infamous song ‘Friday’ and all the talk about her has me thinking about just how powerful our words are in the lives of the people we serve and lead. Is Rebecca Black the most talented young singer out there? I would hazard to say not really, but her family encouraged her by spending thousands of dollars to have this song released and my concern in that is that they seem to have thrown her to the wolves by doing so. Youth pastors in general are quite adept at affirming students and leaders for what they have done and recognizing God given gifting’s that they clearly have. My thought process has come to questioning if sometimes we are just being “Nice Christians” and could potentially be leading our sheep to the wolves by being too “nice”.
A few years ago I met a young man who we will call Mike and he was a volunteer in our youth ministry. Mike was attending Bible school, and planning to become a youth pastor. The problem was that he didn’t really like to minister to students, and also had a very difficult time preaching and communicating due to a severe speech impediment. What Mike did have was an influential Pastor in his life who was affirming not only what he preached, but was (in an over the top way) affirming how he said it and encouraged him as Mike explored pursuing full time ministry. These were words that would change this Mike’s direction; his finances, his schooling and will likely lead him down a path of disappointment and failure. Was this a case of someone speaking truth, and telling him to go into Ministry or was it a careless affirmation from someone just trying to be nice?
A few things to consider when affirming students:
1. Choose your words wisely- Did students come up and share their testimony and stumble through the whole thing? Tell a joke no one understood? In the past my first instinct would be to tell them, “Great job up there, thanks for sharing. You did an awesome job.” The reality is, they didn’t do a great job of speaking and if I am not careful, that is what they are going to hear. What I should say to them is how I really loved what they said, and that it was great to have them share, affirming the “what” not the “how”. Part of being a Youth Pastor means that sometimes we need to pump-up our students tires from time to time, but lying to them is the last thing we should do. Students need to be encouraged with truth; anything else is careless and and potentially deceiving.
2. Recognize your power- Youth Pastors, we are have incredible amount of power when we speak to students and your support, care and encouragement carries as much traction as anyone in their lives. Its staggering when you realize the power your voice carries in their life, and if we are not careful, our voice can become louder than any other especially the voice of God’s spirit. We are spiritual leaders and when we affirm something in a person, they can perceive that as recognition of gifting or of potential calling. If what you are seeing is legitimate, tell them and often! But if you are just trying to be nice, don’t bother because there is a potential that you could steer that person away from the calling that God has put on their lives. We have the power to point them to God or distract them from Him.
Over the past months I have become increasingly aware of what my words actually mean, and that I need to understand how a student will interpret what I am telling them. I love affirming and encouraging our students, to see them grow in confidence as you tell them of something God has so clearly gifted them in. I am also abundantly aware of how potentially misleading and damaging a well-meaning comment can be. I have seen first hand how those careless affirmations can have severe consequences for the people we are simply trying to encourage.
Geoff Stewart is the Pastor of Jr & Sr High School for Journey Student Ministries at Peace Portal Alliance Church and contributes to Youth Ministry blogs and ChurchLeaders.com, among other sites. Be sure to check out his Twitter stream for more daily insights. Want to get in on the fun and write up a guest post yourself? Email me.
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Keeping Good Communication with your Senior Pastor
One of the most counter-intuitive portions of youth ministry is an intentional pursuit of a good relationship with your senior pastor. That's not to say youth pastors don't want one - we just generally don't start off knowing how to sustain one.
When I started in youth ministry, my idea of a relationship with my senior pastor was working hard without any communication. That's probably why I had such a hard time. I was fortunate enough to get a second chance at the church we've been at for the last three years, and I've learned a couple of big lessons along the way that might help you before you make the mistakes that I (and many others) have made in the past.
5 Questions to ask yourself:
- What are his values? If you value modernity, and your senior pastor values old school traditions, you're going to have a breakdown. If you don't value the same things, you can probably expect to disagree on a lot of foundational issues. Disagreement can be expected on a couple of issues, but if you disagree about your root beliefs in ministry, it's going to be very difficult to sustain a great relationship with your pastor.
- Do you talk negatively about your senior pastor around others? This is a tough one for a lot of us, because our hearts are involved in our work. Ministry isn’t just a paycheck. Our lives are steeped in our work. So when the leader makes a big mistake, it’s easy to want to vent to everyone who has an open ear. But watch yourself: are you giving the people around you a reason to stop following your senior pastor? This is a simple business rule. Talking negatively to those under your leadership about your leader is gossip. That’s never the solution! Guard against that!
- What questions does he repeatedly ask you? Andy Stanley once said that the questions a leader repeatedly asks usually drive the organization one way or the other. The point he makes is that when a leader, or boss to emphasize the point, asks the same set of questions over and over, you can see what is important to him or her. If you start paying attention to your senior pastor is asking you, it might give you some insight into what they want to see from you.
- Are you committed to him as you want him to be to you? A couple years ago, my senior pastor went through a pretty major challenge in ministry. I knew that he was fighting some tough issues. I walked in his office one day without any agenda or purpose, other than to tell that man that I believed in him and that I had his back. He looked at me as if I was the only person who’d ever said that to him. That was a moment that marked my relationship with him. Since then, we’ve walked through the trenches together in ministry as friends. It was simply the most powerful moment that he and I ever experienced together.
- If you were a senior pastor, would you hire you? Really? This is the question that should keep you up at night. Are you worth hiring? Youth pastors get a bad wrap for being lazy, uninspired, and having poor work ethics. So, this is the question I repeatedly ask myself: Would I hire me? If I were the senior pastor, would I want someone to come in late to work every day? Would I want someone who gossips about me? Would I want someone who ignores my leadership? Maybe the best thing you can do for yourself today is to do some honest self-exploration. Ask God to do some surgery on your heart.
If you’re like me, you could always use a little more intentionality in your relationship with your senior pastor. Choose today to show him that you have his back. What do you have to lose? What do you have to gain?
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