Aquiring a Wife Before Valentine's Day

I received a Facebook message from a friend the other day that I literally haven't seen (or spoken to) in years. They started off their message to me with this wonderful greeting: "You aren't married yet!?" Then they proceeded to say "Sorry, that is probably a sore spot." My instant reply was "No, the only time it becomes a sore spot is when church members start trying to set you up with people. Go here to read more about how I feel about it."

Then today I receive an email with how to acquire a wife, biblically speaking of course. What a God-send! Literally just in time for Valentine's Day. For all the single men out there... your welcome.

  • Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
  • Find a prostitute and marry her. (Hosea 1:1-3)
  • Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. (Moses - Exodus 2:16-21)
  • Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. (Boaz-Ruth 4:5-10)
  • Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Gettricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for thewoman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen yearsof toil for a wife. (Jacob--Genesis 29:15-30)
  • Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get hisdaughter for a wife. (David--1 Samuel 18:27)
  • Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'lldefinitely find someone. (It's all relative, of course.) (Cain--Genesis4:16-17)
  • Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. (Xerxes orAhasuerus--Esther 2:3-4)
  • When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision,simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." (Samson--Judges 14:1-3)
  • Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though).(David--2 Samuel 11)
  • Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea;it's the law.) (Onana and Boaz--Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)
  • Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. (Solomon--1 Kings11:1-3)
  • A wife?...NOT? (Paul--1 Corinthians 7:32-35)

  • ((Courtesy, Mikey's Funnies))

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    1 Responses to “Aquiring a Wife Before Valentine's Day”

    1. # Blogger Brad Ruggles

      lol...nice! Love it.

      Find a prostitute and marry her. Let me know how that works out for ya! ;-)  

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