Aquiring a Wife Before Valentine's Day
1 Comments Published by Terrace Crawford on 2/13/09 at 3:22 PM.
I received a Facebook message from a friend the other day that I literally haven't seen (or spoken to) in years. They started off their message to me with this wonderful greeting: "You aren't married yet!?" Then they proceeded to say "Sorry, that is probably a sore spot." My instant reply was "No, the only time it becomes a sore spot is when church members start trying to set you up with people. Go here to read more about how I feel about it."
Then today I receive an email with how to acquire a wife, biblically speaking of course. What a God-send! Literally just in time for Valentine's Day. For all the single men out there... your welcome.
Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. (Deuteronomy 21:11-13) Find a prostitute and marry her. (Hosea 1:1-3) Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. (Moses - Exodus 2:16-21) Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. (Boaz-Ruth 4:5-10) Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Gettricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for thewoman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen yearsof toil for a wife. (Jacob--Genesis 29:15-30) Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get hisdaughter for a wife. (David--1 Samuel 18:27) Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'lldefinitely find someone. (It's all relative, of course.) (Cain--Genesis4:16-17) Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. (Xerxes orAhasuerus--Esther 2:3-4) When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision,simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." (Samson--Judges 14:1-3) Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though).(David--2 Samuel 11) Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea;it's the law.) (Onana and Boaz--Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth) Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. (Solomon--1 Kings11:1-3) A wife?...NOT? (Paul--1 Corinthians 7:32-35)
Then today I receive an email with how to acquire a wife, biblically speaking of course. What a God-send! Literally just in time for Valentine's Day. For all the single men out there... your welcome.
((Courtesy, Mikey's Funnies))
Labels: Church, Culture, Resources, Straight Up Funny, Youth Pastors
lol...nice! Love it.
Find a prostitute and marry her. Let me know how that works out for ya! ;-)